Deadspin posted this article earlier from an excerpt from the book That Book about Harvard: Surviving the World’s Most Famous University, One Embarrassment at a Time written by Eric Kester. The title pretty much says it all, but “Coach Mac” has some unbelievable quotes, just in this excerpt alone. This is a coach I would happily play for everyday of the week.
Here are just a few of the gems:
“Do you want to be a man who’s weaker than a fart in an astronaut suit? Or do you want to be a man who stares adversity in the face and tells it to fuck off?”
“Do you want to be a man who can’t give his own son a piggyback ride because you have chopsticks for legs? Or do you want to be a man who squats 400 pounds five times with enough testosterone left over to impregnate a woman just by looking at her?”
“Now when you get in that squat rack, you’ve got to be a real man. Not some boy who worries about his arithmetic test or whatever you guys study at this goddamn place.”
“If you want to be a beast at lifting, at football, at anything in life, you need to have big balls! Look at me! I may have a small dick”—Coach Mac pulled his shorts down to his knees, completely exposing himself—”but I have big fucking balls!”
“Kester, do you know why I eat so many bananas?” he once asked, stuffing a piece of the fruit down his throat.
“I don’t know. Because they’re delicious?”
“Have you ever seen a small fucking gorilla?”
“What are the side effects?”…“It says here that ‘side effects may include getting fucking huge, with occasional bouts of manliness…Stop being such a Sally and take out your tampon. Get with the goddam program.”